From oracle-request Mon Oct 2 07:42:26 1995 Received: by moose.cs.indiana.edu (8.6.12/9.4jsm) id HAA06367; Mon, 2 Oct 1995 07:42:26 -0500 Date: Mon, 2 Oct 1995 07:42:26 -0500 From: "Usenet Oracle" To: oracle-list Subject: Usenet Oracularities #781 Reply-To: oracle-vote X-Face: '0b2xC}Fg0Z6}wg?(CMkyOY?Mjh@$OR;gORd)phLm"X%ygJV(M7'!~+DSZy?Ck3! FR%|G!qEbv>t/RbK(Z9%Lj/u.GsW4z8m\c'F3(D0przTCuHs5~F#p{J7iy[MAqFy dq9A~o%*m"]A@9*BlHpfC$6n15zn{NECTul!=kFoZ)%!9Ytr%xS,%\XHT`<`|JB\ GEc6!ERG`4!+)^2?\7d{xuQMym*Jap,CMSC]3X#u_,u3oNaAU+aQFe[FoCJ>>Q(a U+EG0Blu$:fWEj+usu@bv1>d?3ZJR?/"_yl0 X-Planation: X-Face can be viewed with ftp.cs.indiana.edu:/pub/faces. === 781 ================================================================== Title: Usenet Oracularities #781 Compiled-By: "Steve Kinzler" Date: Mon, 2 Oct 1995 07:42:26 -0500 To find out all about the Usenet Oracle, including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line. Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very poor") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 781 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 776 78 votes 8bfqi 9qp99 8dweb 39Dl6 4nmm7 8jsda kok95 4fxn3 7aqmd 3iwk5 776 3.0 mean 3.4 2.8 3.1 3.2 3.1 3.0 2.4 3.1 3.3 3.1 --- 781-01 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Michael Nolan The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Could you please tell some areas in the Internet about lawyers! > Thankyou. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Well, despite your lack of grovel, I'll be kind and give you the } information anyway... There a number of resources on the Internet for } discussing, flaming, and... other treatments of lawyers. Here are a few } examples: } } Usenet: } rec.pets.lizards } alt.flame.lawyers } rec.flame.lawyers } news.trials.ojsimpson } alt.fan.ito } } MUDs, MUCKs, MUSEs, MUSHs, and MOOs: } LawMUD -- You play a defendant, and fight for your life (against } your own lawyer) } BriefMUCK -- Not much roleplaying here, mainly just judges gathering to } discuss confidential information about current cases, } while using aliases } OJ MOO -- A MOO set up primarily for the OJ Simpson jurors, to give } them something to do... } } Telnet sites: } reptiles.sandiego-zoo.org } judicial-branch.gov } human-services.bar.com } } And if all else fails, you can speak with my lawyers, who have decided } that it is a criminal offense to send a question to the Oracle without } a proper grovel. The penalty is... *ZOT* } } You owe the Oracle an alligator briefcase, made from a real lawyer. --- 781-02 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Frank J. Backitis Jr." The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Why did Bill Gates cross the road? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } To avoid the Department of Justice. } } You owe the Oracle some shares of Intuit stock, sold short right } before the DoJ changed its mind. --- 781-03 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Frank J. Backitis Jr." The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > O magical Usenet Oracle, who...who... > > I'm sorry...I'm too upset to grovel right now. Oracle, a "friend" of > mine told me this morning that there's no such thing as the Oracle. He > said that you're just a bunch of guys like us, glued together with > some sort of computer program! Please, say it ain't so, O! > > I've gotta know the truth...IS there an Oracle? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Supplicant, stay firm! You must have faith, even in the } most adverse of conditions. Pay no attention to infidels } who try to sway you. Believe, with all your heart, that } I exists, and I shall exist. } } And pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. --- 781-04 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Darkmage The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh do tell me, most freed from pain Oracle, > > Whatever happened to the people that were guinea pigs for Preparations > A through G? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Quite simply, to decreasing extents, they imploded. --- 781-05 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Carole S. Fungaroli" The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh Oracle most wise, > my girlfrien fo 4yrs dumped me will she return, and if so how long > before she does. If she will not return will I meet someone else soon And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } I regret to inform you that she will not come back to you. However } never fear, you will meet someone else soon. How soon depends on } you, but I recommend the sooner the better. } } You and your Typing instructor will live veyr happily together for } the rest of your life. } } You owe the Oracle the promise to speel cheq your mail messages } bafore you sed it --- 781-06 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Michael Nolan The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > ERROR 403 No questions in Oracular queue. > Segmentation fault: core dumped. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Yes! --- 781-07 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: forbes@icabod.ih.att.com (Scott Forbes) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Mighty and wise Oracle, whose tastes cannot be challenged, who is the > only thing that is not void where prohibited, please tell me.... > > If you were going to war, would you rather be lead by Cap'n Crunch or > Colonial Sanders? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Cap'n Crunch, of course. Colonel Sanders is too chicken. --- 781-08 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: forbes@icabod.ih.att.com (Scott Forbes) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh, Oracle, most obsequious. > > Why do I keep getting "queue is getting full" responses, with > the answers to questions I submit? Getting slow in your old age? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } The Oracle is pondering your question. Expect an answer in a month or } two. --- 781-09 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: forbes@icabod.ih.att.com (Scott Forbes) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > O Acute Oracle, whose Verbose Ramblings never make me feel > soporific, please tell me: > > How the heck do I get a 1600 on the SAT? > > My college, future, and life reside on Your nimble reply. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Answering all the questions correctly would be a good start. But I can } see you need practice with certain sections on the Verbal portion... } } * ANALOGIES } } ORACLE:BRILLIANT::DOCTOR:______ } } A. MEDICAL } B. KNOWLEDGABLE } C. UPSTANDING } D. PIZZA-RELATED } } In working out an analogy question, the best thing to do is to make a } sentence involving the first two words, then try to fit the third word } and all of the answer choices into the same sentence. In this case, } the sentence to use is "The ORACLE answers a lot of questions that are } anything but BRILLIANT." Now work with the second half; you'll soon } see that the only thing that makes sense is "The DOCTOR answers a lot } of questions that are anything but PIZZA-RELATED." The correct answer } is D. } } * COMMA PLACEMENT } } The Usenet Oracle (A) one of the world's most valuable resources (B) } has certainly zotted quite a few stupid (C) idiotic supplicants (D) who } persist in asking questions about certain marmots. } } In this case, you're being asked where a comma should go. Obviously, } there should be a dash at both (A) and (B); at (C), "stupid" is } describing the compound noun "idiotic supplicants"; and at (D), putting } a comma this late in the sentence would just slow everyone down and } probably stick ideas in their heads about asking the Oracle about } certain marmots. The correct answer is E, the sentence is correct as } written. } } * SENTENCE COMPLETION } } Many supplicants find the Usenet Oracle _______; however, there are a } few who are _________. } } A. witty; zotted } B. boring; amazed } C. weird; weird } D. with great difficulty; smart enough to figure it out } E. fun; Joel Furr } } In this example, the presence of the word "however" indicates that the } two words filling the blanks should be opposites. No further } explanation should be necessary. } } You owe the Oracle two Number 2 pencils and a ten-minute break between } sections. --- 781-10 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: gt2126b@prism.gatech.edu (Bill) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > When oh when will the fabulous University Radio Nottingham outside > broadcast desk be completed - and even more importantly, will it work > tomorrow morning at our Uni's Fresher's fayre. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Listen well, o supplicant, to the grumblings of the omnipotent Oracle: } } Radio Free Nottingham is even now being stormed by the wicked } Sheriff, who I would surely have zotted if only you had bothered to } grovel... } } But fear not. Your Unicorn may even yet prevail if you will simply } run naked across campus repeating these magic words: } "Fresher, Fresher in the Fall, who's the fayrest of them all?" } } You must, of course, partake of the sacramental suds beforehand. } } You owe the Oracle a good hangover.