From oracle-admin@cs.indiana.edu Mon Feb 3 15:02:48 2003 Received: (from daemon@localhost) by moose.cs.indiana.edu (8.11.6/8.11.6/IUCS_2.48) id h13JWQk07068; Mon, 3 Feb 2003 14:32:26 -0500 (EST) Date: Mon, 3 Feb 2003 14:32:26 -0500 (EST) From: Internet Oracle Message-Id: <200302031932.h13JWQk07068@moose.cs.indiana.edu> To: oracle-list@cs.indiana.edu Subject: Internet Oracularities #1307 Reply-To: oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be used with www.cs.indiana.edu/ftp/faces === 1307 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1307 Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler Date: Mon, 03 Feb 2003 14:32:13 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line. ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen B Kinzler.) Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1307 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1302 57 votes 18fna 1llb3 6a9p7 4amf6 25jjc hnb33 65gic 2amda 14ubb 5eq75 1302 3.2 mean 3.6 2.9 3.3 3.2 3.6 2.2 3.4 3.3 3.5 2.9 --- 1307-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Mark Lawrence" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > (void *)'\0' And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Didn't you see the sign? It said } } VOID WHERE PROHIBITED } } Don't tell me you can't C. --- 1307-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle most hugely successful & enormously smart, > > I need help with my personal ad. Could you give > me some hints of what to say and what not? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Good things Bad things } ----------------- ------------------- } Slender Chubby } Charming Congenital liar } Tall Short } Good dancer Physically inept } Caring Sex maniac } Good singer Sing Sing resident } Track star Needle track star } Battle veteran Bottle veteran } Oracular mind Obeys anonymous advice --- 1307-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Joshua R. Poulson" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > O Oracle of Questionable Intelligence and Wisdom, > > Think about this: somewhere, there is a very fat and very naked hairy > man jumping up and down in the shower singing a country song. > > Now why do you continue to be omniscient? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Do you have something against country music?! } } You still owe the Oracle some headache pills, though. --- 1307-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Tim Chew" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh Oracle most wise, > > Should everyone be their own city? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } It seems to work OK for Gary, Indiana, Page, Arizona, and Holly, } Michigan. Captain Cook, Hawaii, does alright. St. Louis, Missouri, } and St. Paul, Minnesota, don't seem to mind, and King of Prussia, } Pennsylvania, is happy to be alive. } } Of course, Lincoln, Nebraska, Garfield, Georgia, Coolidge, Arizona, } and Washington, DC, have all earned the respect of their peers. } } Tuba City, Arizona, Wapakoneta, Ohio, and Truth or Consequences, } New Mexico got teased in grade school a lot. Flushing, New York is } a different story. } } You'll know my answer, though, when you drive North out of Tucson, } Arizona, on highway 77 and reach the town of Oracle. --- 1307-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Mark Lawrence" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Gossip about hedgehogs? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Dolphins on crack. } } ______ } Get free English-Spy translation at babelfish.altavista.com Reverse } translation $50/word. } } You owe the Oracle $150. --- 1307-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Help. I am a lysdexic person. I went to pay my taxes in New > Jersey, got in my car and drove. And drove, and drove. Now > I find myself in Texas! Are there taxes in Texas? Do I pay > here or return home? Would Cafilornia be better? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Oh no, not again. Look if you're going to make fun of dyslexic } people you still have to get the e-mail address correct. } } You owe Fred Ocarle some peace and quiet. --- 1307-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh comforting Oracle, > > This is a heavy-duty challenge for you. I'm feeling sad about the loss > of the space shuttle Columbia, and I need cheering up. Can you help me > get my mind off it without being tasteless? (I heard all the Challenger > jokes back when that happened, and none of them were funny.) And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } The Oracle empathizes with you and admits that it also has } similar feelings. The best advice it can offer is to share these } feelings with others near and dear to you. Shared sadness is } almost always diminished. The Oracle wishes to remind you } that "This Too, Shall Pass". We all must continue with our lives. } } You owe the Oracle nothing. } } This incarnation wishes to express condolences to the family of } the seven souls on-board the shuttle. They are in the thoughts } and prayers of this incarnation. --- 1307-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Great and Frosted Oracle, I grovel before you on creaky knee > and busted harp. I was going to play the strains of "Orrie > Has No Brains At All" (in which the unfolding lyrics explain that > a mere mortal brain is simply not sufficient to contain a complex > Omniscience such as yours), but the harp strings broke, and now > instead of TWANG TWANG TWANG the harp plays FALOOP FALOPP FALOOP. > It's enough to make a groan groveller grey. > > Oh well ... > > It's an Irish harp. Do I have to go to Ireland to get new strings? > > Oh, and while I'm in Ireland, what do you want me to get for you? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Well, if you look under the left bottom corner of the harp, you'll } notice it says "Made in China" So, you can get strings right around } the corner. } } Since you're not going to Ireland anymore, you can send me the plane } tickets. --- 1307-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > What's with them gecko balboa pills my brother takes > them what do they do? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Oh, yes! Rather new on the market, I think. The pills purport } to increase ones IQ score by transferring intelligence from a } family member to the user. } } Looks like they work, too! } } You owe the Oracle a rendition of "Daisy". --- 1307-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Do you have any soy sauce to spare? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } No soy sauce. Soy oracle. } Usted es muy estupido si esto se confusa.