From oracle-admin@cs.indiana.edu Sun Dec 28 12:18:17 2008 Received: from newman.cs.indiana.edu (localhost [127.0.0.1]) by newman.cs.indiana.edu (8.13.1/8.13.1/IUCS_2.87) with ESMTP id mBSHIGDs000859; Sun, 28 Dec 2008 12:18:17 -0500 Received: (from daemon@localhost) by newman.cs.indiana.edu (8.13.1/8.13.1/Submit) id mBSHIGfb000856; Sun, 28 Dec 2008 12:18:16 -0500 Date: Sun, 28 Dec 2008 12:18:16 -0500 From: Internet Oracle Message-Id: <200812281718.mBSHIGfb000856@newman.cs.indiana.edu> To: oracle-list@cs.indiana.edu Subject: Internet Oracularities #1449 Reply-To: oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be used with www.cs.indiana.edu/ftp/faces === 1449 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1449 Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler Date: Sun, 28 Dec 2008 12:18:04 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line. ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen B Kinzler.) Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1449 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1444 32 votes 03ce3 3676a 14ae3 287b4 1g753 1965b 049c7 039aa 39c53 013ee 1444 3.5 mean 3.5 3.4 3.4 3.2 2.8 3.5 3.7 3.8 2.9 4.3 --- 1449-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Peerless is the Oracle, he is unmatched in excellence and wise > beyond measure, > > Quantum and statistical methods have had great success modeling > virus evolution. Can such techniques be used to model more complex > systems such as bacteria and pathogen evolution? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } If that's your thing. I'd rather see them modeled by Tyra Banks, } especially in an off-the-shoulder over-the-spore clingy little number. } You owe The Oracle the opportunity to contract that one --- 1449-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > The Oracle's question queue is getting rather dull. Help spice things > up for everybody and do some tell mes instead of ask mes. > > Dear Orrie, > what the hell? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } 17'5 \/\/h47 01d p30p13 54y 1|\|5734d 0f 'h311'. } } u 'O' 7h3 0r4c13 10 f001!5h \/!rg!nz. --- 1449-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle most wise, > > Will I waste the next year as well? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Hmm... } Hmmm... } Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm- } mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm- } mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm- } mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm- } mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm- } mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm- } mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm- } mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm- } mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm- } mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm- } mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm- } mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm- } mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm- } mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm- } mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm- } mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm- } mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm- } mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm- } mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm- } mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm- } mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm- } mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm- } mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm- } mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm- } mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm- } mmm............................................................- } .......................................................................- } .......................................................................- } .......................................................................- } .......................................................................- } .......................................................................- } .......................................................................- } .......................................................................- } .......................................................................- } ....................................................................... } The Oracle has pondered your question very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } VERY deeply. And pondered it, and pondered it, } and pondered it, and pondered it, and pondered it, } and pondered it, and pondered it. } I suppose that, if my theory is correct, and it is true that } my theories often are, then to answer your question, and I } *do* assume that you want an answer, then Yes. Yes, yes, } yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, } YES. Because, if you spend your time reading E-mails like } this, then you're time will be very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } well ripped-off. } You owe the Oracle something that is } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, } very good. --- 1449-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Ian Davis The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh Oracle most wise, > > Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darkens our skin? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } The darkness to the skin has to come from somewhere! Through a complex } process, the sunlight shifts the dark from the hair to the surface of } the skin. This is why really light blonde people don't tan, but burn. } They have no dark to move. --- 1449-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh Wise and Wonderful Oracle, who looks nothing at all like Mel Blanc, > please deconfuse and unfuddle this poor lowly supplicant. I was just > watching Star Wars for the 3,729th time when it suddenly occurred to > me that Yoda sounds an awful lot like Fozzy Bear! What's going on > here? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Very perceptive, dear supplicant. Yoda lived long ago in a galaxy far } away, but the hyperspace travel made it possible for Yoda's } great-to-the-17th level grandfather to make it to earth and sleep with } Gentle Ben's sister. The family was no stranger to the entertainment } biz, either. Grandpa Yoda loved telling jokes to the crowd. "Into a } bar, three men walked. Ducked, the 4th one did. Yes, hmmmm." He also } had the same drive to hog the spotlight. Yoda found himself barred from } a great many establishments after a disagreement with Mr. Hutt. "please } Mr. Jabba, the Jedi Master his own show you should give!" You owe The } Oracle a treatise on Over, Under and Through. --- 1449-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Mark Lawrence The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Should I get up earlier? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Only if you want worms. You owe the Oracle a late late bird --- 1449-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > SUPER > MARIO BROS. > > Copyright (c), 1984 Nintendo, Inc. All rights reserved > > One Player or Two Player > >1 > > Cobblestone Path > You are on a brick path. There are small green hills in the distance. > A lone cloud drifts by in the sky. > > >West > A mysterious force blocks your path > > >East > > Cobblestone Path > You are on a brick path. A golden box embossed with a scrolling > question mark hangs in the air. A small platform made of alternating > Terra Cotta bricks and golden boxes floats in the air just beyond the > first, with a fourth golden box suspended above the platform. > > There is a GOOMBA here. > > >Jump on GOOMBA > You jump on the GOOMBA which smashes out into a sickening putrid pulp > for 100 HP. Damage. > HP: 100 GP: 0 > > >Hit Box > Which Box do you wish to hit? > > >Hit first Box > A great golden coin leaps out of the box and dissolves into the air. > HP: 300 GP: 1 > > >Hit second Box > The Terra Cotta brick explodes in a nova of dust. > HP: 350 GP: 1 > > >_ And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } > Ask GOOMBA for tax receipt } } The goomba is too dead to notice you. } } > e } } Cobblestone Path } You are on a brick path. There are small green hills in the distance. } A lone cloud drifts by in the sky. } } > e } } Cobblestone Path } You are on a brick path. There are small green hills in the distance. } A lone cloud drifts by in the sky. } } > e } } Bowsers Castle } Bowser sits next to a button. } } > Hit button } } Gotta go through bowser. } } > Jump over bowser } } You are now through bowser } } > Hit button } } Bowsers dead. You killed him you sick killer! } } I WANT YOU OUT OF MY OFFICE NOW! } } You owe the oracle a first model commodore 64. --- 1449-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > How would Bob Dylan gain entry to the afterlife if he were > flatulent on his death bed?! And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } There's more than one way to play a wind instrument. --- 1449-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh Oracle most wise, > > Are biosolids good for one's skin? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } They reduce the thickness of the skin. People who rebel at the mere } though of sludge, and won't have anything to do with it, seem to have } no complaint about biosolids. Compare the use of "tub of exceptional } fertilizer" in place of "crock of sh*t." } } You owe the hungry and carnivorous Oracle some vegetarians. --- 1449-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Grand and elusive Oracle, > > What do human brains work faster the more they know, > but computers work slower when they have too much data? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Because even the cleverest of brains is idiotic compared to } the cheapest of computers, in terms of memory. } } Therefore the factors that become significant for performance } when a *truly* large amount of data is involved (such as searching } algorithms) never even comes into play where human thought is } concerned. So if Shakespeare is trying to figure out a sonnet, } he only has to search through a linked list or array of... what? } 100? 1000 experiences tops? Wow. Big (O) friggin' deal. } } So the more humans know, the *benefits* of having more data is } noticeable (ie. not having to acquire it, or recompute it), but the } *drawbacks* are not significant at that stage. } } You owe the Oracle a computer that can actually shift down all elements } of an array by one from some arbitrary position in the middle all the } way to the end, so that insertions can be done in constant time, as you } would insert a book into the middle of a row of books in constant time. } } Perhaps at the Omega Point humans will know enough so that they can } make computers that perform faster the more data they have to process.