From owner-oracle-archive@kinzler.com Wed Jul 2 06:50:00 2014 Return-Path: Delivered-To: oracle-distrib@internetoracle.org Received: by kinzler.com (Postfix, from userid 65534) id B0BAD100429; Wed, 2 Jul 2014 06:49:59 -0400 (EDT) To: oracle-list@cs.indiana.edu Subject: Internet Oracularities #1537 Reply-To: oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be used with www.kinzler.com/ftp/faces Message-Id: <20140702104959.B0BAD100429@kinzler.com> Date: Wed, 2 Jul 2014 06:49:59 -0400 (EDT) From: oracle-request@cs.indiana.edu (Internet Oracle) === 1537 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1537 Compiled-By: steve@kinzler.com (Steve Kinzler) Date: Wed, 02 Jul 2014 06:49:48 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line, or go to http://cgi.cs.indiana.edu/~oracle/ or http://internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen B Kinzler.) Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1537 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1532 18 votes 02943 32562 44505 24822 03960 12636 05265 31770 21564 16731 1532 3.2 mean 3.4 3.1 2.9 2.9 3.2 3.6 3.6 3.0 3.5 2.8 --- 1537-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Ian Davis The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle, I made the obvious mistake when looking for a "pen pal". > How embarrassing. How do I fix it? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } I think you're going to have to move out. } There's no reasoning with a pig. --- 1537-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > How do I unbake a cake? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Step 1: Eat it. } Step 2: Wait a day or 2. } Step 3: Carefully separate out the ingredients. --- 1537-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > CHOCOLATE is the ANSWER > > Who cares what the question is And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Finally someone has discovered the truth! } } The dinosaurs didn't eat chocolate (and ice cream), and } we all know what happened to them! Everyone has ignored } this fact, being mislead by the health nuts and their great } meteorite conspiracy instead! It's about time someone stood } up against those corrupt, so called scientists! You, my dear } supplicant, is a true hero! } } You owe the Oracle a gallon of chocolate ice cream. --- 1537-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I don't believe you. Not because I think you would lie to me, but > because I have a difficult time trusting people. How can I fix this? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Protip: people come across more serious when your email client has a } default font of Times instead of Comic Sans. } } Also, stop dating politicians. --- 1537-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Orrie, I asked you a Very Important Question and you gave me a Very > Helpful Answer and charged me Nothing. Was the answer a trick? I'm > suddenly quite worried. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } It wasn't a trick. } Don't worry, you don't owe me anything this time. } } Incarnated by Charles Ponzi. --- 1537-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Are we having fun yet? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Well, some of us are, at least. } } You owe the Oracle $50,000 for landing on his property. --- 1537-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Iay antway amienday otay ieday otay. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Responsum est Latine sed non Latine Porcorum. --- 1537-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Klone (aka Daniel V. Klein) " The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I like to report a bug for no reason. All the Questions and Answers > come equipped with one extra blank line each. > > Thanks in advance. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } There is no such thing as an extra blank line. You can use them to } make comments in red that refer to the line above (or the line below). } In poor nations, they run the paper through the printer again and } the second set of Q and A fill the blank lines with untold wisdom. } Medieval monks used them to write extra copies of the Bible at } little to no cost for materials. If Fermat had had some blank lines, } he could have shown his proof to all who followed. Some say } they waste trees, but they're absolutely wrong. Cut up a sheet of } paper, separate the blank lines from the others, and you can } make your own tree. You can even put dollar amounts on your } bank statement and make a little extra cash. (But don't over do it) } If all of the blank lines were laid end to end, they would reach the } end of the universe (almost). The most important thing small } children learn in school is how to wait in line. It is the fabric of } our society and keeps it from falling apart. Now that you know the } potential value of blank lines, I am going to give you one: } } You owe the Oracle something spectacular on the blank line above. } Don't let me down. --- 1537-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dave The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Alas, poor Yorracle, I know him. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } A fellow of finite jest, of acceptable levels of fancy; he hath } answered me a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination } it is! My woodchuck chucks at it. Here hung those tellme's that I have } askme'd I know not how oft. Where be your zots now? Your Lisa? Your } songs? Your flashes of merriment, that were wont to set the inbox on a } roar? --- 1537-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Klone (aka Daniel V. Klein) " The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I just wanted you know that you were wrong. In predicting his death, > you said (and I quote) "He will be missed." > > That was wrong. I shot him squarely between the eyed. He is now dead. > I am a good shot. He was not missed. > > (I know this is not a question, but your last answer was not an > answer. Doesn't that make us somehow even? Odd, isn't it?) And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Good thinking, Supplicant. I gave you a non-answer, so you give me a } non-question. Serves me right! } } By the way, I have a Staff of Zot, and you will NOT be missed so } easily!