From owner-oracle-archive@kinzler.com Sun Jan 31 10:50:07 2016 Return-Path: Delivered-To: oracle-distrib-2z2BfBl@internetoracle.org Received: by kinzler.com (Postfix, from userid 65534) id E48EB100998; Sun, 31 Jan 2016 10:50:06 -0500 (EST) To: oracle-list@internetoracle.org Subject: Internet Oracularities #1560 Reply-To: vote@internetoracle.org X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be used with www.kinzler.com/ftp/faces Message-Id: <20160131155006.E48EB100998@kinzler.com> Date: Sun, 31 Jan 2016 10:50:06 -0500 (EST) From: oracle-request@internetoracle.org (Internet Oracle) === 1560 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1560 Compiled-By: steve@kinzler.com (Steve Kinzler) Date: Sun, 31 Jan 2016 10:49:55 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to participate, send mail to help@internetoracle.org, or go to http://internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen B Kinzler.) Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to vote@internetoracle.org (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1560 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1555 19 votes 36442 01855 35542 33733 63451 32482 05734 66241 05473 13672 1555 3.1 mean 2.8 3.7 2.8 3.0 2.6 3.2 3.3 2.4 3.4 3.3 --- 1560-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Are there really people who treat others like meat? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Yes. They're called cannibals. --- 1560-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I'm not missing much, am I? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } The people who live on the adjoining property, behind your target area, } the ones with the bullet holes in their walls and windows, would } respectfully disagree. --- 1560-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Ian Davis The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > My Dear Oracle, > > My name is Mr. Emmanuel Obo, I am a senior partner (Attorney) in the > firm of Obo Consults Inc: Private Investigators, Security Consultants > and Financial Managers in Abuja, Nigeria. We are conducting a standard > process investigation on behalf of our late client Jean-Baptiste Chet > who made you his sole beneficiary. We wish to arrange transfer of his > estate to you at the earliest opportunity. > > He left the following items in his will. > > 1) 40,000 metric tonnes of concrete > 2) 24 carpet pythons (deceased) > 3) 85,000 golf balls (used) > 4) 18 mechanical calculators > 5) US$48,000,000 (in coins) > 6) 3,200 packets of instant ramen noodles > 7) 31 oil lanterns (we are able to provide you with sufficient oil at > cost) > 8) The number 8 > 9) An itemized list of the above on punched cards > > You are at liberty to use your discretion to distribute these objects. > > If you give me positive signals, I will initiate this process towards > a conclusion. > > I await your response. > Respectfully > Emmanuel Obo And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } My Dear Mr. Obo (or should I call you Manny?): } } I have in hand another letter, one in which I am promised matrimony. It } appears to be from a Nigerian widow, a Mrs. Griselle Ojobijou, who } claims once to have been substantially wealthy. She has money tied up } in her late husband's estate. Apparently he was a wealthy banker who } "acquired" assets entrusted to him. } } She would like US$48,000,000 in untraceable notes to rescue the estate } (worth over US$500,000,000) from the inspector's office. Those coins } would do quite well. } } Let me know if you are interested. If you are more or less unmarried } this looks like a chance for a particularly lucrative union. } } Most Sincerely Yours, } T. Internet Oracle --- 1560-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Password? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Sure. Here are several: } } "123456", "password", "12345", "12345678" and "qwerty" } } Si vous etes en France il faut necessairement utiliser "azerty" au lieu } de "qwerty". Meme difference. --- 1560-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Ian Davis The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I lied about the kimchee. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } YOU OWE THE ORACLE A GALLON OF WATER! --- 1560-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > What is the plural of unique? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Multique, of course! } } You owe me a polygoose. --- 1560-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: twchew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > What is the penalty for committing phlebotomy? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } At worst, things could get bloody! --- 1560-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: twchew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > For future reference, is this a gun in my pocket, or am I just happy to > see her? (She hasn't actually asked yet; I wanna be prepared.) And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } You are unfortunately about to shoot yourself in the foot. --- 1560-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Ian Davis The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I'm selling a product that people don't like to hear about, and I want > to send out email ads for it but I want them to think it's from someone > else. How can I prove that I am not the person they want to think I am? > It would be best if I didn't even recognize myself. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } You've got the wrong address, Sir. } } The GOP debate is over at Fox News. --- 1560-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: twchew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > What does Jeremy look like without a mustache? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } You could have found out that yourself without bothering me. All } you need is a bit of wax like this: } } *YANK* } } There's your answer. He looks friggin' furious!