From owner-oracle-archive@kinzler.com Thu Aug 4 08:53:57 2016 Return-Path: Delivered-To: oracle-distrib-3l2McBl@internetoracle.org Received: by kinzler.com (Postfix, from userid 65534) id 01EC51004CD; Thu, 4 Aug 2016 08:53:57 -0400 (EDT) To: oracle-list@internetoracle.org Subject: Internet Oracularities #1565 Reply-To: vote@internetoracle.org X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be used with www.kinzler.com/ftp/faces Message-Id: <20160804125357.01EC51004CD@kinzler.com> Date: Thu, 4 Aug 2016 08:53:57 -0400 (EDT) From: oracle-request@internetoracle.org (Internet Oracle) === 1565 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1565 Compiled-By: steve@kinzler.com (Steve Kinzler) Date: Thu, 04 Aug 2016 08:53:45 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to participate, send mail to help@internetoracle.org, or go to http://internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen B Kinzler.) Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to vote@internetoracle.org (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1565 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1560 20 votes 14744 03494 14924 17372 46226 04655 25751 04673 14465 33365 1560 3.3 mean 3.3 3.7 3.2 3.1 3.0 3.5 2.9 3.5 3.5 3.4 --- 1565-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dave The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > They say, "Be careful what you wish for; you might get it." > > I carelessly wished for a million dollars in clean cash with no catch. > > Well? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Well, that's good. Now all you need to do is work 137,932 hours at } the federal minimum wage. } } Or make that 275,864 hours, to account for taxes and the Oracle's fee. --- 1565-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Notice anything different about me? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } You've lost weight? You've had a haircut? You're wearing a new dress? } New shoes? You think you've put on weight? You think I think you've } put on weight? You're wearing an old dress (or at least one you've } worn once before) and want to know if anyone will notice? You're } wearing new make-up? You aren't wearing make-up? You've got a hole in } your stockings? You haven't shaved? You have shaved but think you've } missed a bit? You've dyed your hair? You think your hair needs } re-dyeing? You're having an affair with the milkman and think he might } have left lipstick on you? You think your dress is too revealing? You } think your dress isn't revealing enough? } } Come on, give me a hint, Dad, your drag-act starts in two minutes. --- 1565-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: twchew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I need a crash course in legalese. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } abatement of action--an action that has been abated } accord and satisfaction--Rolling stones song about a Honda } amicus curiae--curious friend } attachment--file hung onto an email } bench trial--testing a long short chair } breach--baby born feet first } certiorari--see certiorari } chambers--1970's movie star } charge--fill a battery } concurrent jurisdiction--confusion of legal responsibility } defamation--anything anyone says to or about Donald Trump } discovery--The Americas, et al. } et al--"and the rest" (from Gilligan's Island theme song) } ex post facto--former truth about a wooden fence part } extraordinary writ--write spelled incorrectly } garnishment--parsley } hearing de novo--salsa band from Arizona } in rem--sound asleep } incarceration--confined to one's automobile } jeopardy-TV game show } lay person--see in rem } levy--maker of 501s } mens rea--Danny Devito } moot--this word doesn't matter } nolle prosequi--prosecutorial apathy } nunc pro tunc--see ex post facto } overt act--anything written by Shakespeare (except sonnets) } precedent--chief executive of the UsA } privity--outhouse } punitive damages--alimony } quantum meruit--just desserts } quash--Australian racquetball } quid pro quo--tit for tat } ratification--species change } rea ipsa loquitur--nobody knows what this means } retainer--dental appliance } sealing--asphalting roads } statute--granite reproduction of a person } stay--that little piece of plastic in your collar } supersedeas--Burpee's finest product } tort--fruit pie } unjust enrichment--see Donald Trump } unlawful detainer--illegal dental appliance } waiver of immunity--failure to vaccinate your children } writ of certiorari--moon of Alderon destroyed in chapter 4. --- 1565-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Did you say, "Watch the sheeps," or "Wash the sheets"? How can I know > which is which? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } The sheep are the ones that object when you try to make them fit into } the washing machine. --- 1565-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: twchew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I am afraid of heights. Especially Fahrenheights. What should I do? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Try a slow descent...igrade. --- 1565-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Ian Davis The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I'm exceptionally tall for someone of my height. Is there some way I > can think I am shorter? Like maybe climb negative ladders? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Did you try Crisco? The package says it's shortening. --- 1565-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Why must certain people get so defensive? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Who said I am getting defensive?! I am not and never was getting } defensive! You not really suggesting the way I am answering this } question is defensive, come on! Before accusing other people you should } realize that YOU always getting defensive! --- 1565-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Ian Davis The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > "To err is human." So what's your excuse? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } To really foul things up requires a computer. --- 1565-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Rich The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > My feet are pidgen toad. My voice sounds like a frog in my throat. The > less said about my nose the better. What would you say? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } I think you are about to croak. --- 1565-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dave The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Hi, Mr. Substitute Teacher. My name is Enos Europe. Please include it > when you call roll today. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Oh goody! Goody, goody gumdrops! An anagram! I totally adore anagrams. } } [Oracle jumps up and down, clapping hands, inadvertently kicking over } the nightstand and spilling the glass of water that was on it. The } noise awakens Lisa, who gets up, puts the water back into the glass, } and returns to sleep. In a distant room nearby, Zadoc mysteriously } illuminates a manuscript that reads, "Do not attempt to ask the Oracle } how Lisa does things like that."] } } [We now return to your previously scheduled Oracularity.] } } This anagram refers to Brexit, because it resolves to "Pee on Euros". } } You owe the Oracle several more anagrams, especially the ones cleverly } disguised as actual questions (unlike today's non-question question).