Place your cookie's here (~network/netlog/etc/cookie-jar)- 
try telling everyone their fortune !!

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Something for all you "In Living Color" fans smile:

	"And now we get some NATURAL adhesive...."

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Just a quote:  "I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a 
		pre-frontal lobotomy."

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Contrary to what Health Secretary Sullivan says, animal rights activists
are not "terrorists".  In fact, the majority of them wouldn't even hurt a
fly.

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Ewa Thibaud on Salvadoran election:
"Ariani claims participation to have been 62%.  This sound a bit high,
even if some voted twice."

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"But officer, I was doing the speed limit!  In hexadecimal!"

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	How many programmers does it take to wall-paper a room?
	
	Twelve, but you have to slice them thinly.

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If at first you don't succeed,
   you've failed, failed again!

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"There are two kinds of people in the world:
  Those who can only see half of the picture."

-----

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To prove to the armadillo that it could be done.

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In democracy its your vote that counts

In feudalism its your count that votes

-----

(overheard in a coffee bar, man speaking)
"Considering my last relationship, I'd rather have the extra rib."

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I heard this on the radio on the way to work this morning, Portland, OR
station Q105.

Q: What are the 3 words you don't want to hear while making love?

A: Honey, I'm home.

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Paul Harvey reported June 13, 1989:

Someone broke into the Wilmington, Delaware police department and stole all of
the plumbing fixtures.

The police say that they currently have nothing to go on.

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"Dog Missing Since 1940 Returns, Bites Master"
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"I Found Danny DeVito's Head in a Dumpster"
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"Satanic Messages in Nintendo Imperil our Youth"
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"Sky-diving Mom Gives Birth During Free-Fall"
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"Your Remote Control Could Launch Nuclear Weapons"
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"Man Held in Shooting Death of Own Siamese Twin"
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"Cocker Spaniel Shoots Intruder, Calls 911 to Save Master"
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"Infant Grows Sideburns During Visit to Graceland"
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"Aliens Reconstruct Berlin Wall"

-----

Knock Knock.
	Who's There?
Ivana.
	Ivana Who?
Ivana half a billion dollars.

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(From a caller on NPR's "Car Talk" car problem radio talk show.)

Why do they have a rear window defroster on the Yugo?

So your hands stay warm while you're pushing it.

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Sears says Kenmore appliances are found in one out of two homes in
America.  I wonder which two homes they took the survey at?

-----

Over heard from some IBM employees at a San Jose watering hole.

IBM: You can buy better, but you can't pay more.

-----

John Kennedy described Washington as combining
"Southern efficiency and Northern charm"

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What do you call a 16-year-old girl who hangs out with musicians?
 
Tiffany.
 
--Just an idle thought.

-----

Quayle musing to himself:

" Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy....."

"Thats right, I passed the bar the FIRST time."

-----

Q. How many IBM CPUs does it take to execute a process?

A. Four!!  Three to hold it down and one to rip its head off.

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Subject: A Little Unix Humor (Humour)

	alias cls "/bin/rm -fr *"
	alias clear "/bin/rm -fr *"

-----

Q. Why does Dolly Parton have small feet?
A. Because feet don't grow well in shadows!
-----

What did Kenny Rogers say when he saw Dolly Parton do a backstroke in the 
swimming pool?
"Islands in the Stream........"

-----

	SHE:  I'm leaving now to the dentist to get prophylaxis.

	BOSS: (with strange look on face) I thought you had a vasectomy.


-----

Rupert Murdoch thinks an independent editor is one who says `Yes!' without
being prompted.

-----

Why don't we need George Bush's proposed space mission?

Because Dan Quayle is already on Mars.

-----
	What is small and yellow and very dangerous?

	A canary with the super-user password!

-----

Seen on a coffee cup:

Drink your coffee -- there are people in India sleeping.

-----

Q.	Is there intelligent life on Earth?

A.	Yes, but we're only stopping to refuel.

-----

"Remember, it's not the size, it's the frequency: 94.1 WYSP"

-----

	GOD IS DEAD	--Jack

	JACK is DEAD	--GOD

-----

A man walks into an auto parts store and says
"I'd like a rear view mirror for my Yugo."

The man behind the counter thinks about this for a while, then says 
"Yup, seems like a fair trade to me."

-----
   There's a new alarm system out for your car now.  It's called "CLUB."

It's real simple.  If a burglar tries to steal your car, an alarm sounds, 
which summons 15 LAPD officers who CLUB the would-be burglar within an inch
of their life.

-----
Little Johnny asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"

The father, as they are wont to do, goes into a long lecture on the nature of
God and how mankind has associated human characteristics with the Almighty in
an attmpt at better understanding, etc.  He ends with the observation that God
is neither male nor female, black nor white, straight nor gay, to which Johnny
responds ... "Oh, is God Michael Jackson, then?"

-----

q: What is the difference between hardware and software?
a: Hardware gets faster, cheaper, smaller.
   Software gets slower, costlier and bigger.

-----

Quorum, n.: The requirement for a Congressional meeting to take place.

>From Latin quo: "where is (the)" and rum: "alcoholic beverage"

-----

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.

Your question was:

	"help i'm a bug"

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

	"<poof> you're a feature!"

-----
Seen on the cover of this month's "Bride" magazine:

	SPECIAL WEDDING ISSUE!
-----

Ira Jackson, an officer at the Bank of Boston which has had severe problems
with bad loans, on their new program of loans to small businesses:

"We make loans to large businesses, then wait six months."

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