attention span, anyone?

THE TRUTH IS THAT... For as long as I've been a creative person, which is as far back as I've remembered, I've pondered the SOURCE of that creativity. Recently, I have realized that my creativity has gone out of control. Because of my ideas, I have spent literally a decade barely scraping by because I'm working on my dream - first my band, and then this website. A decade is a long time, and I'm at a loss to explain my dreams anymore. The most difficult - and important - question in philosophy is simply this - "Where do ideas come from?" It's from pondering this question that all RELEVANT philosophy emerges. You can spout all your theories about what happens when we die or whatever, and I won't really care. It's the IDEA stuff that matters. By its ideas, a nation lives and dies. The reason this project is called "unamerican activities" is that I sense that the seed of death has been planted in this nation. While we're barraged with "ideas" through our national obsession with mass media, these ideas simply do not have the diversity and honesty that characterize a growing society. Your life may be good. I accept that. But in my opinion, most Americans are NOT free to pursue their ideas. They don't have a context whereby their ideas make sense; they have to go to work in order to pay rent, so they don't have the time to flesh it out; they simply do not have the funds, or they have no idea what a "business model" is. I am not simply prophesying doom for this country. I am saying that we can diagnose and treat the illness in its early phases. In my opinion, this project constitutes ROUTINE MAINTENANCE for the American dream - because for so many people, this dream is but a fantasy. Have you ever felt CONTROLLED? Like, REALLY controlled - your choices and your actions no longer spontaneously generating out of your own will (or even your best interests). I feel controlled. I think that there is some spiritual force out there that's making me write these words to you. This force is not necessarily malevolent. I know that in my heart lie nothing but the most pure of urges. I'm not out to harm anything - I honestly believe that what I'm doing with Unamerican is one of the most patriotic things that one can possibly do! But I'm in its thrall nonetheless. I can't stop coming up with ideas. I don't have the time to make all of these ideas happen (hell, this website has languished unattended for MONTHS while I tried!). But I don't really have control of the idea-generating part of my mind any longer. When one is FED ideas, one can't very well take CREDIT for them, can one? Well, I am telling you this - "I" did not come up with these ideas, the ideas for my stickers, the ideas for my music - I CAN'T TAKE CREDIT FOR ANY OF THESE IDEAS. I sort of want them to go away and let me take charge of my own life once again. But that choice is obviously not mine to make. We all think that, as a whole, "ideas" are "good". We're surrounded with the triumphs of the idea-oriented world - every technology we use began as an "idea". Therefore, are more ideas better? Or is it better to FOCUS on ideas, having them SERIALLY so that you can concentrate on them one at a time? Ideas obviously have their own pace, although the more people thinking about them full-time (or - more importantly - on their OWN time), and the more society rewards people who have them, the faster they tend to land. What if I told you that there is a satellite that's orbiting the Earth right now that is firing these ideas into my fevered brain? I would sound completely insane, wouldn't I? But the difference between a courageous innovator and a madman is very, very small. And I think I'm somewhere in between. I am not a courageous person. I fear pain, I don't do well with stress, and violent movies give me a headache. Yet I've had the balls to go without a paycheck, to directly attack the enemies of freedom in blunt words online, and occasionally to interfere with unjust situations. Where did this courage come from? I look back on my life, especially the highlights, and sometimes it feels like I wasn't even there. Perhaps the satellite was controlling me? In my opinion (and it's one I will support in the following document)life isn't much unless it's informed with a higher purpose, a mission, a REASON to carry on that transcends mere survival. People who have this kind of mission stand out from the uninspired masses as if they have an aura. I like such people. If you are one of 'em, get in touch. If the life you're living right now isn't cutting it, well, CHANGE IT. Leave home. Create a story, don't just be a null. I am TELLING you to do so - that way, you don't have to go through the internal questioning that generally halts such attempts at achieving personal liberation. Let me be your authority figure, in this case. I COMMAND YOU TO CREATE. (Did that work?) I give you one mission, my people, and that is to BE REMEMBERED. To enjoy yourself, to create great stories, and to BE REMEMBERED. And not to be alone, but to find each other, and together to create something that deserves the name "god". Perhaps God doesn't exist, but wouldn't it be nifty if he did? I mean, he could, you know, do our chores for us. He'd be a great housemaid, huh? He'd be able to help us with our homework. I believe that through CREATION we achieve a measure of divinity. If you accept that, if you WANT God to exist but cannot rationally accept the concept of supernatural divine forces looking over us, the answer is simple. Just keep learning. Learn how to make things, learn how to create things, and read about those who've made history. At some point, you will have learned enough, and from there, it's onwards towards infinity because THROUGH MIMICKING GOD e.g. creating something WE BREATHE LIFE INTO HIM/HER. Quick disclaimer - sometimes when I talk about "god" i call it "him". Sorry. I don't think God is a guy or anything. I don't believe that "he" exists at all - but I DO know that my muse is so out of control that I must be possessed. Learn this - if you've got to fail in order to succeed at something, FAIL QUICK, LEARN A LOT, and HAVE FUN ANYWAY. In order to become skilled, you've got to screw up a lot, so pick something that doesn't threaten your health too much, dig? Do you know what a "distributed application" is? It's a computer program that lets other computers handle the hard work of crunching data. I think that divinity is such an application. Lots of people working on the same thing, sometimes without even being aware that there's a larger purpose to their creativity. I think a lot of different people are - RIGHT NOW - working on creating stuff. They go by mundane titles, such as "software engineer" or "zine writer", but their real business, no matter what their training, is the CREATION OF MAGIC. Through this magic, we breathe life into the concept of divinity. In my opinion, "God" steals into this framework in surprise moments. One minute you're noodling on your guitar, and the next you've suddenly written a riff that turns into the anthem that frees and it is a shared secret. It is a secret that we all understand, and for me, it is just, well, what my life is about. Potential is a pain in the ass, that's for sure. It hypnotizes you into believing that you're ALREADY THERE, that you ALREADY MATTER, when the reality is that REALLY MATTERING is just the ENDPOINT of a long process. So if change is truly a process, not an event, how do we learn how to NOTICE IT? Well, BEGIN WITH A ***BANG***, that's how! In other words: CREATE AN EVENT TO REMEMBER THE PROCESS BY. "Satan" does not exist, but as a concept, he's useful. In my belief, "Satan" is anything that HOLDS YOU BACK from being the interesting, noble and fruitful person you were meant to be. For me, Satan consists of my own low self-opinion and the resulting reification of that opinion by my parents and others. I don't give a fuck what kind of money I've got to spend to get rid of this problem. Money spent staving off Satan is money that's well spent. If evil happens, but it results in an interesting story that stops that evil from EVER HAPPENING AGAIN, wouldn't you agree that there's good that came out of it? I once got accosted by a prostitute in Berkeley and she told me in gibberish english her story. She was born, and her mom treated her like shit and well, after a little while she thought of herself as shit and she wound up a prostitute. And to this story, what can I say? I said "wow, that was an amazing story, now I gotta go." but what I should've said was WRITE IT DOWN! MAKE IT THAT YOU WILL REMEMBER IT! Don't just LIVE, live as if you're IMMORTAL!!!! Live as if you can never live in theory! Live in fucking FACT! Without this computer I'm just this nondescript guy. With this computer I'm a MAN FROM THE FUTURE, THE COSMIC WEBMASTER. I'd like to thank Apple, Netscape, and all of the other forces that made this page possible. In fact, any work of art is actually a big ol' "thank you" to the influences that made the art possible. If you REALLY like an artist, shouldn't you aspire to become that artist's equal? Not necessarily in the same medium - I mean, I don't WANT to make the same kind of music as my influences, in fact right now I don't want to make music at ALL! But I am trying to code the kind of web page that my influences might admire, you understand? Personalities are like velcro, and you want yours to bristle with a million of those little fucking hooks. The more hooks you have, or display, to other potentially interesting people, the more likely you will be to attract, hold onto, and build around THEIR energy. HOOKS, HOOKS, HOOKS. Hooks are not the same as opening lines. You can create a formula that could be uttered by a boring person, and still, it will be obvious that the person's just reciting lines. The basis for any relationship is the actual SOUL involved in the relationship, not just a fucking opening line. No opening line will help a boring person become interesting, but unfortunately, they can force us to waste our time with them sometimes. The right set of demographic information can fool us into being intrigued with someone who wasn't really worth it. DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME WITH BORING PEOPLE. (Or websites, for that matter.) I can't work with anyone who isn't somehow LOOKING FOR SOMETHING. When I hear that a person is totally content with life, I feel like there's little I can tell them. I mean, I wouldn't want to DISTURB a person who is at utter peace, would I? What would I have to offer, and what would I stand to receive in exchange? The Truth is disturbing and peaceful at the same time. It is disturbing because it opens doors that destroy your former path, but it is so comforting because it reminds you that there IS a path and that YOU ARE STILL ON IT. Right now, I am waiting. I am waiting for a sign. Something is going to happen. The air is heavy with ominous anticipation. Perhaps this event will be negative. "The thing most feared in secret always comes to pass." If you concentrate on your fear, you create a potential for that fear to come to pass. If you lose your fears, you take away their power from you. Even if something dreadful happens to you, you will survive it or you won't, one or the other. Butto live as if it is GOING to happen is a tragedy, because you miss out on the state of being healthy and not fearful while you can. We only have a certain amount of time in this life to be productive and to make a difference. You can't help anyone by sharing your fear with them; you can only ask for their help. Helping others is a great way to help yourself. Between two people, potential multiplies logarithmically as long as potential is the goal of the interaction. I want to be relevant. I don't want to be irrelevant. I want to matter, and up 'til now I haven't been able to do so. I am going to try and try and try and try until I finally break through, and that is something I will not be able to shake until I die. Every feeling is better than no feeling. At least it indicates that something is being EXPERIENCED, that something is HAPPENING. "Every action is a positive action, even if it has a negative result." - from the movie Slacker. I'm not about to go around defending Hitler, fuck that, but the point is that you either make history or are subject to it. I have always wanted to make it. More than pain, I fear boredom. I throw myself into all kinds of dangerous situations because I can't stand to be bored, and I need new stories to tell. # WANT MORE?